From The Onion:
Everything That Can Go Wrong Listed
FULLERTON, CA - A worldwide consortium of scientists, mathematicians, and philosophers is nearing the completion of the ambitious, decade-long project of cataloging everything that can go wrong, project leader Dr. Thomas R. Kress announced at a press conference Tuesday.
"We are mere weeks from finishing one of the most thorough and provocative scientific surveys of our time", Kress said. "The catalog of every possible unfortunate scenario will complete the work of the ancient Phoenicians and the early Christian theologians. Soon, every hazardous possibility will be known to man".
"And listed", Kress added.
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